I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
