Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
