she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
