Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
