one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
