She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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