Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
