i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
