We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
