Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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