Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm getting married
To pizza
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