mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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