if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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