At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to stop coming to work sober
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
