I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
