as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
