I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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