remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
