I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
