I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
