Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
