Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
