Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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