i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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