I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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