Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
