Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
