proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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