smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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