I'm jealous of your bromance
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
