Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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