brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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