id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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