i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
