we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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