It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
