check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
