I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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