Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
