When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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