My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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