Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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