Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
