My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
