last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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