Pappa wants mamma naked
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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