You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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