Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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