i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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