The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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